Sometimes, when you least expect it, this thing called Life captures you and holds you back from the things you want to do. Knowing full well that there are many times that you can do/could have done those things, you just get held back. Weather you're too busy to do something or you have all the time in the world to do something, Life finds a way to keep you from doing that thing. From mere forgetfulness to complete and solid "road blocks."
My own life has had these "Road blocks" too. Though thankfully, Life has never caused me to forget and never return to Aikido. Being part of ESTA USA is one of the few things that I am fully proud of. Knowing that I am part of something larger then myself but at the same time, its slightly tiny and subtle. Always there but not "In your face" until things are presented to you that cause you too look at the bigger picture.
My Bigger Picture is full of things that are my primary thoughts and focuses, but where those things dont fit like a puzzle-- with large gaps between them-- there are smaller thoughts and focuses. That is how everyone is; its how they live. But, never, ever the same things. There are fighters--in Aikido and otherwise--and collectors--gathering information that will help them in the end.
I like to think that everyone who is fully dedicated to ESTA (in the USA and the UK) is a mixture of the two. Gathering information to help them out in life when dealt with situations that don't and never will pertain to Aikido (the physical portion). Though, when the Information doesn't help with some situations, you know the Physical aspects of Aikido to deal with the problem. When all else fails, use Nikkio-- it always gets the message across.
I believe that someone or something had finally used Nikkio on my brain to make me realize that there was one thing that I had forgotten to take care of....Maybe it was Life itself, either way I'm glad that Life finally backed off enough to let me realize that I was indeed forgetting a very, very important roll that I was dealt.... Never going to happen again, I promise you that.